As we sat in the den and watched our first Auburn game of the season, fans yelling, shakers shaking, vibrant colors covering the stadium, and a sense of great happiness and anxiousness jump from the stadium through the screen. In that very moment, reality hit me that the world hasn't stopped and life is still going. The hustle and bustle has not stopped a bit. And in that same very moment, I found myself feeling abandoned and alone because I feel as though my world has stopped. I would never wish the feelings in my heart on any other. The thought of the many Mommies and Daddies who have already been in our shoes or who so innocently have no clue that they too will one day walk in the same shoes truly breaks my heart. If I could do something to prevent it from happening to them...if only. I find myself getting overwhelmed with feelings some days that since I'm a Christian I need to be progressing through this grief quicker and finding myself with more laughs and smiles. I know that God allows things to happen for reasons, reasons I may never know (Proverbs 3:5-6). I know that God works all things for the glory of his Kingdom (Romans 8:28). I know that God knows the plans of my life (Jeremiah 29:11) I know that God is greater than any trial he allows in my life. I know that God uses trials to grow me stronger and more mature (James 1:2-4). I know that we already have two precious blessings and that it is possible for me to have more babies. I know that God can use this for his glory and to touch the lives of others. I know all of these things. But these things do not fill my empty arms and my aching heart. They don't bring Harrison back. And I wish there was some way these others lives could be touched, some way than through this loss. I wonder if God felt this way as he sacrificed His son? What a sacrifice, what a price. Oh how very thankful and humbled it brings me to His feet. Thank you sweet Lord! I thank the Lord that He chose me and holds me tight each day. I am overwhelmed with His love and strength right now. If He didn't hold me tight, I would have withered away with my sorrow and pain. Sweet Jesus, rock my baby and hold him very tight. Everyone may continue with life, not a thing changed or sorrowed, but I'm coming to the realization that my life will never be the same, but my life will continue. So...dear Lord, my Father, sweet Jesus, ready...set...lets walk this journey together.
