At this very moment

At this very moment, Jim and I had planned to be at St. Vincents anxiously awaiting one of the most exciting moments all expecting parents wait for.....the gender ultrasound. Little did we know that Harrison was actually 3 weeks older than we thought, which would have made us 21 weeks today. The blessing in this is that when we had Harrison 2 weeks ago, it was very clear that he was a precious little boy, leaving no wonder for our minds to follow. I see pictures of the boys around the house and it saddens my heart to think they have a brother not with them. I find myself gazing at the boys running around the backyard, playing on the play set, chasing the dog, stomping through mud, and imagining their little brother was with them getting dirty and into lots of mischief. I think it's inevitable that my mind has been flooded with the many things that our sweet Harrison James will not get to experience: mud, building forts, catching frogs, making messes, tball, soccer, trying to sleep on Christmas eve, tearing into his first birthday cake, bringing home his first A, going mudding, getting his first car, graduating, college football, falling in love, picking out the perfect ring, and walking down the aisle, and holding his first child for the very first time. But as my heart and mind are swamped with these things, God overwhelms me with thoughts of one of the most beautiful promises. Our little Harrison may not get to experience any of the things above, but our little Harrison will know nothing but love. He will not experience the pain of colic, the hurt of a skinned knee, the betrayal of a friend, or the heartbreak of lost love. All a Mommy wants to do is love and protect her children. In this time, when I cannot hold and protect Harrison, our sweet sweet Savior is giving him the greatest love and protection of all.