If we know who God is, we believe the Bible is God-breathed, we believe all God's promises to be true, we believe God is who he says he is, we believe what God says he can do, we believe that God's love is eternal and everlasting, and we believe that God has a divine plan and will for our life, why do we stray? Why do we long for something more? Why do we question? Why do we fail? Why do we wonder? Why do we hurt? What is it about God that isn't enough for us? If we truly believe all of these things, would we not always be at His feet overwhelmed with humble tears giving him praise and thanksgiving? We live in a fallen, sinful world, yes. We live in a world where Satan lurks, preys, and brutally attacks, yes. But if we believe all of these things above to be true about our God and we believe that God has selected us to be in his kingdom, then a+b means that we belong to God. Therefore, we do not belong to Satan, so he can lurk, prey, and attack, but little does he know....he can never have us. So.....my question again....why are we not always at His feet overwhelmed with humble tears giving him praise and thanksgiving? Why am I not always at His feet overwhelmed with humble tears giving him praise and thanksgiving? What is it that keeps us from drawing nearer to God? Pride? Time? Kids? Job? Family? Embarrassment? Priorities?
In April, our lives got a little busier than we were accustomed to. Jim started traveling more, April's Fury tornadoes came through and left us without power for a week, meanwhile the stomach bug hit our house for 14 days straight, it was crunch time at work with our seniors as graduation was quickly approaching, amongst other things that I will not go into. It was at a time in my life where I felt I might quite possibly pull all of my hair out. Everything was out of my control. One night, while laying on the bathroom floor covered in towels, waiting for Parker's next "round" to hit, I knew I had hit my limit and I could not handle this life on my own anymore. I prayed that the Lord would fill my heart with His strength to conquer the coming hours and days as I knew this "bug" was not near over. I knew that I was not, in my life, where God would desire me to be. We were busy going here and there and things had just gotten 'hectic', for lack of a better word. That night, on the cold, germy, bathroom floor I asked God to transform my life. I prayed, "Lord draw me nearer and nearer to you. Transform my life into whatever you have desired for it to be. Change me, mold me, shape me. Lord, at whatever cost, please Lord, live in me and use me as your light. Change me to be whoever you want me to be." Sure enough, within 36 hours I was laying on the cold, germy, bathroom floor again, all by myself this time. Odds were pretty good that considering the bug scenario I was sure to get it. However, I like to look back and think that I didnt have the bug everyone else had, but rather God was expelling all the nasties in my life so He could begin His good!
Almost exactly to the date 4 months after the tornadoes came through and we were sick, we lost Harrison. If you have read my previous posts, you know this time has been a synonymous mixture of heartache and hope for me. The Lord has been very real in my life, in our lives and we are forever grateful for that! God has answered many prayers and continues to fill us with his promise of hope for a better 'tomorrow'. With all that being said, to answer my previous question: What is it that keeps us from drawing nearer to God? Here goes my vulnerability...my answer is fear. My fear is that God might use another tragedy in my life to draw me nearer to Him. Selfishly, I do not want to encounter tragedy, heartache, and/or loss again. Why can I not just be where God wants me to be and not have to suffer in that way. WOW....how selfish is that thinking? I'm pretty sure that our Lord would much rather have saved his Son than have to crucify him to show us His love...YES SIR....that will put you back in your place. One of the many many good things here, is that I do not have to decide. God has written the perfect life for me even before I was in my mother's womb. He knows every detail, and I need not worry about tomorrow; for the master creator is in control.
Thank you Sweet Jesus for writing my life story. I pray God that I will wake each day with a desire to be fully used for your kingdom however you wish. Thank you Lord for knowing what I need and when I need it, even when I have no words to know what I need. I pray Father that you will receive all the glory day in and day out. Amen.
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